I'm sorry to hear about your problems but I do understand believe me :-( All the local dealerships here are owned by the same guy so there is no competiton except that the one in the "ritzy" area is a real pain.. they are not supposed to take appointments for oil changes (according to the other store) but they do anyway.....
I had to go through it a bit with the local dealerships here. I had a slave clutch cylinder go bad and they wanted to get me to put both units in but I had done the master about a year prior. They insisted that it must be done and then wanted to charge me a ton to do just the slave. Well I politely called the Beaverton dealership while at the local one and got a great price on the part and after the local guys realized that I had options with other dealerships they started to act right. I still go through Beaverton and Courtesy for parts though. I have become friends with the master mechanic at one of the local dealerships and he gave me some great tips and "extras" when I did take the car in. In fact he wants to start a local car club!! He's custom building a 240SX with a lot of different components (Z31 turbo) etc... I also now have access to a lot of additional expertise and information that I never had before. Bottom line is that you need to talk to the mechanic that is working on your car a few times and let him/her know you're not a dummy or an A..Ho.. and they will tend to be helpful.